Figure it Out

Wow, it has been some time since I have posted any content for Mental Geek. Things have been extremely busy for me lately, and my brain has just sort of been in sleep mode as far as creativity goes.

I have not been devoting a lot of time to Mental Geek lately, and it honestly bums me out, because it’s important to me, has been important to many others, and I don’t want this to become another project of mine that just fades away.

I think this is just another aspect of me trying to figure my life out, and being open and vulnerable about all the things in between. That’s really what life is. We always want to have things “figured out” but life is pretty much an ongoing process of doing that. Some of us are just at different stages of this, and that’s ok. 

It is easy to get overwhelmed. In my case, I always tend to take on a bunch of projects at once, because I need these things to keep me preoccupied, because I always fear the depression that seeps into my being whenever I have too much downtime. And then I end up burning myself out and just half-assing everything that I am trying to do.

That Ron Swanson quote always speaks to me. I need to stop trying to do too much to fill whatever void is in my life. It doesn’t heal me. It just makes things worse. If I know that downtime leads to depression, perhaps I need to tackle that issue head on.

When I have downtime, I start feeling like a failure. I start to think about what I could have done with my life, or what I should be doing with my life, and comparing it to where I am at, and I am always left feeling empty, broken, confused, and sad. 

Now, I can be completely honest in the fact that I have been lazy for most of my life. I have never had much drive. It’s the main reason that I have never had much of a career in my adult life. It’s the reason why I struggled with weight and health issues in my life. It’s why I am in debt. The list could go on. Something switched in me over the last few years. Maybe it’s marriage, maybe it’s wanting to better my personal situation, maybe it’s wanting to be a healthier person….I don’t know. All I know is I have started to become the opposite, and the struggle now is to find a balance.

I am not a failure. I know this. I am just a person who has had my struggles just like anyone else. Mine just worked in my own way. Now, the question is what do I do about it?

I have to evaluate what is most important in my life. What is most important for me personally. I can’t do all things all the time, and honestly, I don’t want to keep trying.

So, to bring this all back to where I started this post. Mental Geek is too important for me to keep half assing it. Even just for myself, running the podcast and the site has been an important part of my year. Getting to meet new people and share mental health stories has been an important part of my year. 

I still don’t quite know how to elevate this community or expand the reach, or even get more content that could help people we have yet to reach, but I guess that’s just a part of figuring it out. Thank you to everyone who has been apart of this community since the beginning, and thanks to those of you who I have yet to meet but have reached out with how this has helped you in some way. I only hope we can continue to build this thing together.

  • Matt

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